Releasing the pressure valve: the power of deep listening

I was reminded recently of the power of deep listening and empathy to enable us to process our feelings. I have felt very ‘full’. Full of emotion, thoughts, ideas, hopes, worries, preoccupations, stresses, pressures, doubts, judgements (of self and others).

It had been a volatile week in terms of my moods and my children’s. My six year old had started back at school . It was only after dropping him off (and my daughter at nursery) that the exhaustion caught up on me. I realised how much I have been carrying around over the last three months. 

As a working parent, lockdown has been a relentless juggle. The drudgery of never-ending meals, tidying and cleaning. Trying to keep the kids happy and entertained every day, whilst trying - and often failing - to squeeze important work into tiny windows. And then working late into the night to do the unfinished work and reset the house for the next day’s onslaught. In the midst of all of this, I launched my business.  

Self care has rarely fitted into this picture. And then, at a lovely workshop for mums on a recent Wednesday evening, when I was feeling particularly full to the brim, I was invited by the facilitators to ‘overflow’ if I needed to. The invitation alone made me cry a little (with gratitude). Overflow is just what I needed - a good cry, in the company of a group of empathetic listeners.

Possibly for the first time, I let myself feel the weight of the overwhelm. I let myself cry. I cried with exhaustion, from very little sleep and the constant worry about whether we’re doing the right thing. I cried with sadness at the popping of the bubble we have been living in as a little family and the return to semi-normality. I cried with grief for the havoc the pandemic has wreaked on our society. I cried with guilt and regret for various parenting fails this week, when I have lost my temper or not been fully present, for missed opportunities for connection. I cried with anger at the many injustices in our society, both big and small. And I cried with relief to have some time and head-space on the horizon at last. 

Sometimes we can’t put words to the complex mix of emotions we are experiencing while we are in the middle of them. We just need to let them overflow. To release the pressure valve momentarily. This provides immediate relief. But it also, afterwards, can bring clarity and create space for new, positive emotions. This is an important gift I offer to others as a mediator and coach - to listen, non-judgmentally and empathically, to another’s raw emotions. It is easy to forget how incredibly healing it is to allow myself to receive this gift from others sometimes. 

When was the last time you allowed yourself to overflow? What - or who - helps you to release the pressure valve on the stresses and difficult emotions you are carrying?

Get in touch if you would like to find out more about my coaching and mentoring sessions - I offer one off sessions, to help you to process your emotions or gain clarity, as well as ongoing sessions - email beccie@couragelab.co